Reflection on Beauty - Carrington Gardner

Encounters With Beauty  

  I experienced beauty when I sailed through Ha Long Bay in Vietnam on a traditional junk boat. The water was still, and there was foggy mist surrounding all of the islands and islets of the bay. The water was glass-like, and the boat appeared to gradually slice through it as we practiced Tai Chi on the top deck.

    In this moment, I felt the most at peace than possibly ever before. It was as if I was in a state of meditation, moving from pose to pose, concentrating only on my breath and steady movements. The slow slicing movements of my limbs during the Tai Chi practice seemed to emulate the boat’s motion through the water and around the bay. My body slowly woke up from its prior stagnation, and my mind seemed to wake too. It was a feeling similar to watching a sunrise over the mountains into a clear sky. Something about it felt like a fresh start -- a reset. 

    I find it difficult to describe all of the thoughts and feelings I had in that moment, but I believe that is part of what makes it so beautiful. Not being able to find the right words to describe such a powerful moment speaks to how much beauty surrounded that space. Everything from the cool breeze to the slow movement across the water and passing islands made me feel whole. As if this moment was created especially for me to experience. Experiencing the world in this way was unlike anything I had ever seen or felt before, and I knew that this was a time and place I would never forget, a moment so beautiful that the word “beauty” could not fully encapsulate it, yet it was the only word that came to mind, over and over.

    I felt beauty as I held my one-year-old niece Ella and rocked her to sleep. I sat with her cradled in my arms in a rocking chair in her dimly lit bedroom. I watched as she drank from the bottle I was feeding her until it was empty. I saw her eyes get heavier as she drifted to sleep, then I placed her carefully in her crib and covered her with a warm blanket.

    As I held her, I felt the soft touch of her hands wrapped around my fingers. I could hear her light breath through her nose as she drank. I watched her blinking eyelashes slow in speed and duration until she could no longer keep them open. I felt peace and wholeness in this moment, recognizing the beautiful life that I had in my arms. At that moment, I was responsible for her, and she felt safe with me. She allowed herself to drift to sleep in my arms, which revealed to me a certain vulnerability that I had not felt in a long time. I could not help but feel the urge to cry observing and admiring how perfect she was -- how beautiful.

    I believe there is a level of beauty that can be attributed to someone or something so innocent, such as a baby who is not yet jaded by the trials and tribulations of life. I do not believe that such experiences take away from beauty, and in many cases, that growth is just as beautiful; however, I believe it is a different sort of beauty. One that takes into account the journey. Whereas the beauty I felt when holding Ella was so pure and natural, and that sort of beauty cannot be denied or debated. It was an innate feeling that I struggle to believe anyone else would not have felt in that moment. I also experience such strong feelings of “beauty” when I see someone sleeping. Something about the way they drift off to another plane, and they fall into a state of peaceful rest has always felt beautiful to me.

    I witnessed beauty when I watched my two close friends get married this summer. I saw the groom tear up as the bride walked gracefully down the aisle. I watched the ceremony in the middle of the botanical gardens, where the sky above was clear and sunny. I witnessed the two of them looking at one another as if they were the only two people in the world, and I stood in awe as they promised the rest of their lives to each other.

    My friends’ wedding ceremony felt like a magical moment that I was able to witness. I immediately felt overwhelmed by the beautiful location and being surrounded by incredible flora. I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin as I sat listening to the piano. When the bride started down the aisle, I felt honored to be present at that moment. To be able to see her beauty as she locked eyes with her soon-to-be husband at the end of the aisle. To be welcomed by them to hear their vows and see the moment that they knew they would be with each other eternally was truly so special to me. I felt love overflowing from both of them, as well as everyone present, and that space was suddenly full of beauty. 

    I have always thought of weddings as beautiful. For me, love and beauty go hand in hand. After all, how beautiful is it to be fully vulnerable with another human being, to allow yourselves to fall completely, even if you are afraid. I feel that true love, where you give yourself wholly to your partner, is one of the most beautiful things we as humans can ever experience. The feeling of being completely safe and trusting another person to protect your love is much more rare than modern movies portray it to be. Yet, this is the amount of love that exists between these two individuals, and I was able not only to witness it but to feel it filling and surrounding that space. It was an undeniably beautiful moment.